Multi-Tasking Nightmares & How I Accidentally Drove to Missouri

Original image via Dan Derritt Flikr Creative Commons

Original image via Dan Derritt Flikr Creative Commons

By. Kristen Lamb

We live in a world with all kinds of gadgets to make life simpler, to help us be more “productive.” Yet, all this seems to do is add more crap to the never-ending “To Do List”. Entropy is real…and trying to kill us. The dishes never stay clean and the laundry multiplies faster than Rain Man.

My inside sources (The Dust Bunnies) tell me the dirty laundry, when left too long to their own devices start forming cults, particularly “The Whites.” According to The Bunnies, laundry apparently must sacrifice a sock to their god—Dry-Ur—every load so Dry-Ur will not smite them.

Um what else did you think Dry-Ur lint was made from?

With the proper sacrifice, the laundry can be fruitful and multiply. “The Reds” have been known to give a blood sacrifice on occasion. Yes, your husband’s undershirts will be pink, but the laundry is then blessed with more generations of progeny.

The Dust Bunnies swear on their lives this is true, so they’ve bought a little time. That and the vacuum bags Hubby ordered don’t fit.

So aside from the occult activities happening in your hamper, there are a lot of other distractions in life. Namely? LIFE.

No one gets out alive.

Don’t you have days that you are simply exhausted? You’ve been running, running, running all day, but have nothing to show for it?  Of course, because with all this “stuff” to do, we often resort to multi-tasking.

Multi-Tasking—Do At Your Own Risk

I once accidentally drove to Missouri. TRUE STORY.

I was in sales, and I did a lot of driving, about 1500-3000 miles a week. I had a nine-state territory and Northern Mexico, meaning I drove to Mexico about every six weeks. So I was on the road most of the time, and often quite tired (and bored). I had certain “routes” I drove. I’d drive to Wichita, Kansas, then work my way down. Next day Tulsa, next day OKC, then back to Dallas.

This day, I finished my morning appointment in Kansas and then my late afternoon appointment in Tulsa and ate dinner. By seven I was on the road. I was really fatigued, but I wanted to get to OKC by around nine so I could pass out and be rested for my early morning meeting.

Ah, add in a cell phone.

I knew I was in for a long stretch of NOTHING, so I called my Mom. Unbeknownst to me, I got on the turnpike going north instead of south. So I am talking away for mile after mile then finally I see a sign, “Joplin 20 Miles.”

Joplin? Joplin, Oklahoma? That doesn’t sound right.

Since I was really tired, I said to my Mom, “Joplin? Joplin’s not in Oklahoma.”

“Baby, you’re in Missouri.” *head desk* #epicfail

I finally made it to OKC at 2:00 in the morning, since I had to drive all the way to Joplin to escape the turnpike and turn around, then drive from Missouri back to OKC.

Yes, I have peeled the banana, kept the peel and tossed the banana. I’ve put my cell phone in the freezer, my keys in the linen closet. But accidentally driving to Missouri? I think I get bonus idiot points for that.

Multi-tasking, for the most part, can just make a mess. So, yeah, fold towels while talking to loved ones…just don’t put the towels away. They could end up in the garage.

Not long ago I was talking to my mother and searching the house, frustrated. Finally, my mom asks, “What are you looking for?”

“My cell phone!” I snapped.

“Um, Baby, what are you using to talk to me?”

Sometimes I swear if I did anything dumber, my heart would stop. But it’s all in the name of being “productive.” Sigh.

Recently, I went to have some chips for a snack. Searched all the logical places. Um…yeah….

In the refrigerator *head desk*

In the refrigerator. REALLY?

And we all vow to pay more attention, to focus on what we are doing until the phone rings or the toddler demands a fresh “Num-Num” while we are creating that spreadsheet for work. Since the law frowns on cryogenically freezing our family so the house stays clean FOR JUST ONE DAY, we’re just going to have to expect we will continue to find our trash in the hamper and the dirty clothes in the trash can. So be on the lookout.

Ever vigilant. Ever…vigilant.

Has anyone seen my purse?

Kristen Lamb is the author of the #1 best-selling books We Are Not Alone—The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer. She’s just released her newest best-selling book Rise of the Machines—Human Authors in a Digital World.

Follow Kristen on Twitter @KristenLambTX or on Facebook or on her author blog.


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